While clean divorces can and do happen, oftentimes we’re left with feelings of loss.
Step 1: Untangle and identify your feelings.
Often, the most dominant feelings after the end of a marriage are anger and sadness, and these can get fused together into a dense ball. Take some time to peel these apart, identify what’s awful, and hard.
Step 2: Understand what you really need.
There’s a good chance that your needs and your relationship’s end are in active conflict with each other — for example, “I need to feel valuable, but our divorce makes me feel like I’m disposable.” Consider what you need to flourish as a human. “Even if you don’t feel entitled to it, spell it out.”
Step 3: Look at what is lost and work through the grief.
For a couple getting divorced after a brief marriage, the loss might be the children who will never be born; for a longer partnership, it might be moving into retirement alone. You have to say goodbye to things and put up little tombstones for them.
ted.com/howtocopewiththeendofarelationshipabridged
Comments